Essay 3

It's the 1st of December. You walk into your local CVS and look around to make sure no one is watching you. Then, you subtly slip into the "Women's Health" isle and walk over to a foreboding stack of small rectangular boxes. Pregnancy tests. You buy: [[First Response]] [[CVS Brand]]

You choose the "First Response" test and go to check out, refusing to make eye contact with the cashier as you leave. You use all the cash you have left to pay for it, knowing it might raise suspicions if your parents find out you already spent your last paycheck. When you get home, you tiptoe up the stairs and into your bathroom. [[Take the First Response Test]]

You choose the CVS-brand test and go to check out, refusing to make eye contact with the cashier as you leave. When you get home, you: [[Head to Room]] [[Talk to Parents]]

You hurry up the stairs and softly shut the door to your bedroom behind you as you enter. Releasing a breath, you head to your bathroom. [[Take the CVS Test]]

You make conversation with your parents to avoid raising their suspicions. Shoving the test into your backpack, you walk into the living room with an explanation of how you missed your bus back from high school. Your mom makes small talk with you for a while before she gets a work call and excuses herself. [[Head to Room]]

You read and follow the directions on the box. After a few minutes, the reading shows negative! You're in the clear... right? Your relief is interrupted by a foreboding feeling that something isn't quite right. So why is your period a week late? [[Ignorance is Bliss]] [[Take Another Test]]

You tiptoe over to your parents' bathroom. You had hoped to avoid doing anything to tip them off, but your curiosity had gotten the best of you. As quietly as possible, you grab the "First Response" pregancy test you had seen in your mother's drawer the other day and head back to your bathroom. [[Take the First Response Test]]

//It's probably fine,// you tell yourself. There's no way you're pregnant. It wasn't... you couldn't be. In the mirror of the bathroom, you consider your appearance. Faded scars on your arms and neck, seemingly-permanent eyebags just sitting under your eyes. Almost absentmindedly, you look back at the test on the counter and gasp at the sight you're faced with. It's all you can do not to cry. The one line that had previously stained the screen had now turned into 2. It couldn't be... but it was. You're pregnant. [[Tell Your Parents]] [[Keep it A Secret]]

You are shaking while entering the bathroom, in a panic over what the result of the test will be. After you take the test, you turn it over and hold your breath, scared to see what the results will indicate. [[Look at The Test]] [[Wait Until Later]]

You slowly turn over the test and your heart drops. Two lines = pregnant. You feel like throwing up, scared for what to do next. [[Tell Your Parents]] [[Keep it A Secret]]

Your heart beats in your ears as you walk back downstairs towards the living room. Tears form in your eyes as you come face to face with them, looking like the picture of a happy couple. They stand together in the kitchen, your mother lightheartedly scolding your dad over trying to get a headstart on dinner. They both pause and look at you. [[It's Now or Never.]] [[Keep it A Secret]]

You head back to your bedroom, deciding to keep it a secret for as long as you can. You need to figure out what to do with this baby first. You have the rest of your life ahead of you! Finishing high school, going to college, becoming a lawyer like you always dreamed. Tears fill your eyes. [[How could you have let this happen?]]

You put the stick back into the box and leave it on your bathroom counter, retreating into your bedroom. In an attempt to distract yourself, you turn to your homework and finally cave and switch on Netflix. Even "Suits" doesn't help take your mind off of it. Time passes, but your anxiety doesn't. [[Look at The Test]]

"I'm pregnant." the words leave your mouth in a hurried breath. The air in the room palpably stills as your parents look at each other, then back at you in confusion. [[Try to explain.]] [[Stay silent.]]

As if on autopilot, your feet lead you to your full-length mirror, where you pull down the collar of your turtleneck shirt and grimace. Your foundation has begun to fade, revealing faded imprints of fingers and hands around your neck and collarbone. You slowly lift up your shirt to reveal the old bruises on your stomach that have almost disappeared. //You didn't let this happen,// you remind yourself. Your heart sinks, your mind refusing relive the events that led to this moment. It's all you can do not to laugh at the cruelty of your situation. Pregnancy - the cherry on top. [[What are my options?]]

"I..." you try to elaborate, but no words come out of your mouth. Your parents both stand to face you, dinner forgotten as they await your explanation. You remember how these events came to pass - not of your own choice, but from force. Childish fantasies and deceit. Hands. Hands where you couldn't see them - where you didn't want them. Hot tears. Burning. Stinging pain. [[Enter Flashback]]

"This isn't funny," your mom asserts sternly. You don't say a word, and her face falls. "Are you... are you telling the truth?" [[Try to explain.]]

Reminders of everything you dreamed of flood your mind. Nights watching "Legally Blonde" with your mom, watching your dad dress up in a suit and tie and head off to his firm to carry out justice, letters from his clients thanking him for saving their lives. You want that too - you always have. But now - you glance down at your stomach, the pit of dread you already feel growing even bigger. [[Get an Abortion]]

One way or another, you would have to give birth to this child. The thought hits you like a truck. The air in your bedroom grows cold, sending shivers down your spine. [[First Trimester]]

A moment of relief passes through you as you realize you can terminate the pregnancy. You flip open your laptop and search up "Planned Parenthood," opening up their website as quickly as you can. You click on "Get Care" and look up your state - Texas - in their abortion clinic registry. [[Go!]]

You click on the "Search" button and a message pops up on your screen. Black and white text. Heartstopping. "Due to state law, abortion is now banned in Texas. Please call the nearest Planned Parenthood health center to figure out next steps for you." [[Next]]

(text-style:"expand")[(text-style:"bold","underline","smear")[MY BODY, YOUR CHOICE.]] Trigger Warning: mentions of sexual assault (to a minor), blood, & death BY: (text-style:"bold","underline")[Kashish Jaiswal & Mary Claire Brandt] [[Start]]

Your mind spins and you feel light-headed. You had heard something on the news about Roe v. Wade being overturned, but you had assumed it wouldn't matter to you. Now, the 6 week deadline had passed before you'd even realized that your period was late, and you would be forced to carry your fetus to-term before making the decision to either raise it or give it up. [[Research!]]

You search up "Texas abortion laws" in your search engine and spam the "enter" key on your keyboard. Sure enough, since the overturning of Roe v. Wade, abortions after the 6th week of pregnancy have been banned. An article on the exceptions pops up and you skim through it, hopeful. More than hopeful, in fact. Laws are meant to protect citizens. Surely... it fizzles out as you read the last few lines. [[Read Them]]

'The law criminalizes performing an abortion from the moment of fertilization unless the patient faces "a life threatening physical condition aggravated by, caused by, or arising from a pregnancy.' There is no exception for rape or incest." (Varghese, 2023) [["There is no exception for rape or incest."]]

Trigger warning! Sexual assault. [[Click here]] to skip this scene. You feel your breathing get heavier. Hands. Rough hands on your skin. //His// hands. It started with a harmless glance in the hallway on the way to the cafeteria for lunch. He was walking the other way with his friends, and you made eye contact. Those dark brown eyes - like melted chocolate. You remember just [[how cold]] they could really look.

--> it's [[over]].

The next day, you made eye contact with him again. He smiled at you, and it made your heart jump. You imagined going on dates with him - drive thru movies and mini golf. He seemed like the type to be good at golf. You smiled wider as you pictured him laughing after you miss the hole completely. [[Stupid, stupid girl.]]

The day after that, he came up and sat next to you at your lunch table. You had been stressing over your upcoming precalculus test when you saw him approach from the corner of your eye. You looked up. "Hey," he greeted you. How were you? //Amazing.// His voice was gentle and caring as he told you how cute you were. Did you want to get coffee after school? //Yes, of course.// We could see the sunset afterwards, he suggested. You sighed in agreement, wondering where the [[man of your dreams]] had just appeared from.

The rest of the day could not have gone by fast enough. Finally, when the last bell rang, you jumped out of your seat and rushed down to the main lobby. A few minutes later, he arrived, bookbag in tow and an electric smile on his face. The butterflies went crazy. "Hey!" you greeted him. He gave you a small nod, which struck you as weird after how enthusiastic he seemed earlier, but you shook it off. "Ready to go?" You got into his car and [[he drove away]].

You stayed silent for the rest of the drive until he pulled into a driveway you didn't recognize. "Where are we?" you asked him apprehensively. "My house!" he replied, his earlier sense of boredom replaced by newfound enthusiasm. It encouraged you to see him excited again, so you smiled and followed him inside. [[Maybe he'd meant homemade coffee.]]

As you entered the house, he closed and locked the door behind you. Something felt off, but you ignored it, your earlier fantasies about perfect dates and sunsets filling your head. "The sun sets soon," you told him. "We should start making coffee now if we want to leave in time." He laughed as if you'd cracked [[a hilarious joke]].

He made no move towards the kitchen, instead just staring at you intently. After a few moments, he broke the silence. "Wanna check out my room?" Annoyed, you crossed your arms. "Not really. I want my coffee," you answered. He paused, almost as if in shock, and then burst out laughing again. This time, it was condescending - as if he pitied you. As if you were a child. "And what? You wanna watch the sunset after?" he asked, rolling his eyes. Your silence made him do a double take before laughing even harder. "C'mon, be real. [[Let's go upstairs.]]"

You shook your head and made a move towards the door, but he intercepted you. "Don't be a prude," he growled, a newfound sharp edge to his voice. "I'm leaving," you replied. "Just give it a chance," he answered, sounding tired of you. Then, you felt his hands - those rough hands - grabbing your arms and pushing you against the door. His heavy lips crashed onto yours in a sloppy kiss. You struggled, but he was too strong. "You'll like it," he whispered, unzipping his pants. Your eyes widened as you realized what was about to happen. "No," you told him. "No." He didn't stop. Your eyes welled up with tears as you pressed your head against the wall and waited for it to be [[over]].

The words on the screen in front of you come back into view, and you feel something wet on your cheeks. Bringing a hand up to touch your face, you realize you've been crying. It took you a long time to move on from the incident, and it's been more than 2 months now. 2 months. 8 weeks. That's after the 6 week deadline.//It's too late//, you think to yourself, resigned. The law would force you to have this child. [[Keep the Baby]] [[Find a Way]]

It took you a few minutes to realize that he was driving in the opposite direction from the cafe you had assumed you'd be going to. "Where are we going?" you asked him, and he shrugged, evading the question by telling you it was a [[surprise]].

You can't accept it. You're not even sure if you want children yet, but 16 is definitely not the right age even if you do. You still need to travel the world, go to college, be a kid. And you would not let that boy steal more from you than he already had. [[What next?]]

For now, you resolve to keep your... predicament to yourself and act like normal. Which means school tomorrow. Your stomach tosses and turns at the thought of seeing //him// in the hallways again - just like it had done everyday since that incident. You push it to the side as your mom calls you downstairs for dinner. [[Go Eat Dinner]]

You act as normal as you possibly can at dinner, which ends with your parents asking you if you're okay. [[Make Up an Excuse]]

You force yourself to smile and say something halfhearted about having had a long day at school. They nod understandingly and excuse you to go get some rest in your room. You trudge upstairs and get under the covers, praying you wake up and realize this was all an elaborate nightmare. [[Go to Sleep]]

The next morning, an incredibly uncomfortable queasiness has you scrambling out of bed and into the bathroom. You throw up whatever was left of last night's dinner into the toilet and emerge feeling sick and groggy. This had happened once or twice before, but you knew it was never this bad. [[Go to School]] [[Try to Stay Home]]

Gathering up all your courage, you get dressed, grab something to eat, and head to school. Not even 10 minutes into your first class of the day, however, you find yourself rushing to the bathroom to empty out the contents of breakfast as well. Flushing the toilet, you tame your appearance and head out of the stall, only to be faced with some girl you don't know fixing her makeup in the bathroom mirror. You can clearly tell that she's an upperclassman, flashing her an awkward upside-down smile as you go to wash your hands. [["Feeling sick?"]] the girl asks from beside you.

You stay in your pajamas and slowly make your way downstairs, where your mom is cooking breakfast for the family. She turns around to see you and her eyes widen. "Why aren't you ready yet, hon? We have to leave soon!" she scolds, keeping her attention focused on the eggs being scrambled in the pan in front of her. "I don't feel well, mom," you respond, running a hand through your matted hair. Your mom fixes you with a glare that says she doesn't have time for this, and you sigh. [[Go to School]]

Warily, you turn to look at her and give a slight nod. "You late?" she ask, glancing at your abdomen. You instantly realize she isn't talking about class. Another nod. Something about telling this stranger feels like a [[weight is lifted]] off your back.

"You keepin' it?" Blunt and to the point - it almost felt refreshing. [[Yeah, I have to]] [[I don't want to]]

"What about the dad?" she questions. "Will he help?" Immediately, you shake your head, a shudder running through your body. She doesn't push any further. "I understand." she tells you, her voice carrying much more experience than she showed. You instantly see what she's trying to tell you. "So how did you... [[you know?]]"

She gives you a halfhearted smile, and you can tell she sympathizes with you. There was no hint of pity in her eyes - only understanding. "Sucks more when he's not in the picture anymore, doesn't it?" You raise an eyebrow, skeptical of how experienced she sounds. "Been there, done that." she brushes you off with a smile, confirming your suspicions. A sliver of hope flares up in your chest. "So how did you... [[you know?]]"

The girl's face grows serious. She looks around the bathroom and makes sure the rest of the stalls are empty before continuing. "There are... people. Who can help women like us." she tells you ominously. You tilt your head, asking for more information, and she delivers. "My friend's cousin has a friend who's a plug. She has a bit of a side hustle selling... well, abortion pills. Under the radar." It takes you a second to process this information. On one hand, it's the perfect solution to your problem. If it works, you can live the rest of your life as if this never happened. On the other, you know it's bound to be expensive, and definitely won't come without risks. [[Next...]]

"I can give you her number if you promise never to tell anyone else." she offers. "This can't be public information - I'm sure you understand." You nod, indicating that you do, and glance down at your phone, contemplating whether or not to give it to her. [[Agree]] [[Decline]]

With an appreciative smile, you hand the girl your phone. It's clear this is a transaction of goodwill between strangers, and you appreciate it more than you could ever vocalize. "Thank you," you say sincerely. "Could I get your name?" "It's Amanda." She smiles and squeezes your shoulder in return. [["Good luck."]]

"Thank you, but... I don't think I can do that." You give her a sad smile and she returns it. "I understand. It isn't for everyone. Good luck to you," the mystery girl responds before turning around to go back to class, leaving you [[all alone again]].

When she leaves, you immediately click on the number and type out your text. //Hello! I got your number from Amanda. She told me that you have some medicines to help me with my... flu. I've had it for over 6 weeks now.// The text makes you interally cringe at how vague and cryptic it sounds, but you're not sure what else to write. Taking a deep breath, you hit "send" and wait. Not even a minute passes before a notification appears from her. [[Open It]]

You stare at yourself in the mirror, analyzing your reflection. What were your other options? You wrack your brain, thinking long and hard. 1) You could travel outside of Texas and get an abortion in a different state. --> How would you get there? You didn't have money, and your parents would never let you take the car that far or for that long. 2) You could run after that girl and tell her you changed your mind. --> She's long gone by now. And there's no guarantee she would agree. You contemplate these choices all the way until the end of the day, when you find yourself back in your bedroom. Finally, however, you're only left with one option. [[Keep the Baby]]

Hands shaking, you open the notification. //32115 Cedar Dr. @ 4pm // A sharp inhale. You didn't expect a response so quickly. Liking the message, you check the time. 10:27 AM - you can't leave school this early. When the next bell rings, you grab your backpack and force yourself to [[head to class]].

The rest of the day goes by slower than you could've imagined. You text your mom something about going to a friend's house after school to study and rush to your car as soon as the last bell rings. You follow Google Maps to the address provided, which leads you to a seemingly-normal, single family brick house. Apprehensively, you get out of your car and knock on the door. The sound of footsteps from inside gradually gets closer until the door cracks open. "Can I help you?" A petite-looking woman peeks her head out to look at you. Her hair is pulled up into a matted ponytail and angry purple eyebags accentuate the severeness of the expression on her face. "I'm Amanda's friend. I texted you e-earlier," you tell her, stuttering slightly. Her intimidating glower relaxes marginally. "How far along are you?" she asks, cutting right to the chase. "At least 2 months," you respond, and she nods. "And the father?" You freeze. "He's... we're- n-not in the picture." The lady tilts her head skeptically. "You don't have anyone else with you?" she asks, her voice hesitant. You shake your head, but your resolve holds steady. "I don't need anyone. I can handle it," you tell her. "Plus, I'll pay anything." This seems to convince her and she perks up in agreement. "It'll be $500. Cash," she says simply. It's clear there's no room for negotiation. You do a double take. $500?? You open your wallet and spot the [[emergency credit card]] your parents gave you.

You eye the card for a moment. Is it a good idea? [[If this isn't an emergency, what is?]] [[No! It's irresponsible and unnecessary.]]

"$500 is a lot... but I need this." You run a hand over your face, unable to believe that this is your new reality. [[Agree to Pay]]

You shake your head. "$500? I'm a high schooler, I can't afford that." She shrugs. "Then I can't help you." Tears flood your eyes. "Please? I really need this, I- a baby would ruin my life." The lady sighs, clearly exasperated and unfazed. "If it's that important to you, maybe you shouldn't have chosen to have unprotected sex in the first place, kid." She crosses her arms. "It's $500 or nothing. Do you want the pills or not?" You open your mouth to contest, but nothing comes out. //I didn't have a choice. I was r*ped.// You can't bring yourself to say the words, and you aren't't even sure if it would change anything. [[Agree to Pay]] [[Leave]]

You thank the woman for her time and get back into your car. Your heart sinks as you realize that you're out of options. When you return home, you run upstairs and shut the door to your bedroom behind you, resigning yourself to your fate. [[Keep the Baby]]

"I can do that. I just need a few hours to get the money - I don't have it on me." You explain. She nods and tells you to come back in an hour. [[Get the Cash]]

You get back in your car and drive over to your parents' bank. Once there, you head to a drive-thru ATM and pull out the emergency credit card. You silently apologize to your parents as you enter in the pin they trusted you with and max out the card's withdrawal limit at the full $500. [[Head Back]]

You pocket the money and promptly drive back to 32115 Cedar Drive, pulling into the driveway at exactly 5pm. Your heart beats so fast that you can feel it in your ears and hands, this whole interaction having put you on-edge. Were you really so desperate as to trust the contact of a random girl you met in the high school bathroom just to get rid of the baby growing in your belly? The answer is clear as you picture the next 18 years of your life being taken up by raising a child conceived from the worst night of your life. [[Knock]]

Taking a deep breath, you knock on the door once more. Footsteps. The door opens, and this time, a burly-looking man's head emerges. "What do you want?" he barks out, causing you to recoil in fear. He gives you a once over and eyes the money in your hand. "I don't know what you're here for, girl, but you've come to the wrong place." His beady eyes squint at you, and you take another step back. Then, a familiar voice calls out from the back. "Let her be, John! She's one of mine!" The man glances behind him and leaves, allowing the door to shut. A few moments later, it reopens and the lady from before emerges with a brown paper bag in-tow. She holds out her hand expectantly, and you deposit the $500 into her custody. In return, she hands you the contents of the bag. With nothing more than a nod of acknowledgement, she then disappears back into the house and leaves you alone to [[do what you will]].

You drive back home, unlock the front door, and immediately scurry up to your room. There, you open your backpack and take out two ziploc bags labeled 1 and 2. You assume they're the order that you should take the pills in. Checking the time, you see that it's almost 5:30. Your parents will be home from work soon. [[Take the Pills]]

Ignoring how shady the ziploc pills seem, you take #1 out and grab your water bottle. You take a big swig of water and place the medicine in your mouth, swallowing before you can think better of it. You wait, trying to determine what affect it has on you. When nothing happens for a few minutes, you repeat the same process with the second pill. Once more, nothing happens and you smile to yourself in relief. It's over. Just in time, you here the front door open downstairs and rush down to greet your parents. [[Dinner Time!]]

(Trigger Warning: graphic descriptions of blood & pain - [[Click to Skip]]) Once you finish setting the table, your mom and dad bring out the heated-up leftovers from last night, the delicious smell of mashed potatoes and roast beef making your mouth water. You take a seat and begin serving everyone when, all of a sudden, a cramp causes you to double over in pain. You cry out, dropping the ladle for the gravy. Your mom immediately rushes over, asking you what's wrong. You mumble something about your period and rush upstairs as you feel a warm liquid trickle down your leg. You make it to the bathroom right as the trickle turns to a steady flow, a pool of blood forming on the tile beneath you. Another cramp hits you as tears fall down your face. The pain is unbearable - as if your organs are being ripped from your body with a steaming metal rod. You gasp for breath, clutching the countertop for dear life. [[Call the Lady!]] [[Get into the Shower]]

You fumble around the countertop for your phone. Once you find it, you click on the contact for the woman who gave you these medicines, pressing the call button. It rings once, twice, three times. ''Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice message system. At the tone, please record your m-'' You cut the call, a soft whine escaping you as your mind becomes too muddled to think straight. [[Get into the Shower]]

You nearly fall as you throw yourself into the shower, stripping your clothes off. You gasp as you look down, seeing both of your inner thighs absolutely covered in blood and lining. A harsh, iron-like smell fills your nostrils. Your head spins from the blood loss you're suffering, your hand reaching above you to turn the water on. You shiver, despite the scalding water hitting your skin like a thousand tiny pinpricks. Your head throbs more that it ever has, feeling so heavy that you're physically unable to lift it from the wall on which it rests. The water around you turns dark red as the blood continues to flow at a concerning volume. You feel queasy, turning your head to the side as you retch. An acidic taste fills your mouth and throat - bile. That can't be good. You barely have time to dwell on it as your eyes begin to shut of their own accord. You slip away as the world [[fades to black]].

Mirroring the affects of a miscarriage, you experience extreme blood loss and cramping due to the medications. As a last resort, you crawl into the shower to clean yourself off, but the pain becomes too much to bear and you find yourself slipping away as the world [[fades to black]].

As you come back into consciousness, your blurry vision focuses on the bright white lights above you. It takes you a moment to remember the events of last night. Warm hands clutching your shivering body. Shaking you, begging you to wake up. Familiar voices calling out your name - your parents. You hear the steady beat of a heart monitor next to you, forcing your sore muscles to allow you to turn to see it. "Baby?" your mom sniffles, her voice making it clear that she had been crying. You look at her, making contact with her bloodshot eyes. She breaks down again as she cups your face, calling for a doctor to come check on you. Instead, [[two police officers]] enter the room.

Your mom stands up, walking over to them. You hear their hushed voices locked in conversation. //...just woke up.// //needs a doctor!// ^^just a few questions...^^ ^^//criminal case.//^^ A criminal case? You lean your head back, fear encapsulating you once more. Was it really so wrong of you to want to live out your childhood without raising a child of your own? Was the life of an unborn fetus truly more important than the life of the young woman being forced to carry, birth, and raise it all by herself? You feel a sense of anger rise up in you. If anything was a crime here, it's the way in which you fell pregnant. They should be questioning your //r*pist//, not you! But then again, you couldn't tell them that. [[Who would believe you?]]

After being questioned by the police for nearly an hour and a half, you're finally left alone. You refused to give up the information of the lady who supplied you with the medicines, even though you resent her for leaving you on your own afterwards. You know that she helped girls like the one you met in the bathroom that day, and you wouldn't be the last desperate teen girl looking for a way out. [[I have no regrets.]] [[I would have preferred a baby.]]

Even though you ended up in the hospital, you know that you prefer this fate to the possibility of having to raise a child. You wouldn't do anything differently. You sit up as the doctor comes in to check on you. He gives you a small smile, and you notice the sadness behind his eyes. You tilt your head, curious. "Now, I understand you tried to give yourself an abortion at home?" he asks softly. You hestiate, unsure if this is a trap, before slowly nodding. "That's very dangerous without proper supervision and care - even with pills that have such high success rates. Even though it might work most of the time, it has the potential to be life-threatening." You nod, waiting as he continues. "Luckily, we were able to get to you in time; however..." he looks between you and your parents as he delivers this life-changing news. "It seems you took the pills too soon together for someone of your young age, causing heavy bleeding and some uterine trauma as well. I'm afraid..." he pauses, frowning. "I'm afraid your uterus won't be able to [[carry a child]] again."

You shake your head, chastising yourself. Everything these pills put you and your parents through. It wasn't worth it. Perhaps just having that baby wouldn't have been so bad after all. Perhaps throwing away your life was better than losing it entirely. You sit up as the doctor comes in to check on you. He gives you a small smile, and you notice the sadness behind his eyes. You tilt your head, curious. "Now, I understand you tried to give yourself an abortion at home?" he asks softly. You hestiate, unsure if this is a trap, before slowly nodding. "That's very dangerous without proper supervision and care - even with pills that have such high success rates. Even though it might work most of the time, it has the potential to be life-threatening." You nod, waiting as he continues. "Luckily, we were able to get to you in time; however..." he looks between you and your parents as he delivers this life-changing news. "It seems you took the pills too soon together for someone of your young age, causing heavy bleeding and some uterine trauma as well. I'm afraid..." he pauses, frowning. "I'm afraid your uterus won't be able to [[carry a child]] again."

A sharp inhale. Your mother sits back down in her chair and you feel your heart drop. Just because you didn't want a baby at 16 didn't mean you wouldn't ever want one in the future. And even so, that choice had now been taken away from you. You feel tears well up in your eyes for what feels like hundredth time that week. You place a hand on your belly, silently mourning the loss of everything that could have been. You zone out as you listen to the doctor list off options for your future. Adoption. A uterine transplant, although many years of observation and tests would be required to determine if you would be a good fit for the procedure. "But for now, just focus on being a kid," he finishes with a kind smile. ''Being a kid.'' //Being a kid?// After everything you've been through, the idea itself seems unfathomable. Your mother thanks him for his time and walks over to you, holding your hand. You look up at her, just to see that she looks as broken as you. [["Let's go home."]]

"In June 2022, the U.S. Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade, opening the door for states to ban abortion outright. In the year since the decision, 14 states have made abortion illegal... Today, abortion is protected by state law in 21 states and the District of Columbia and is at risk of being severely limited or prohibited in twenty-six states and three territories." (Center for Reproductive Rights 2024) "Evidence from around the world suggests that restricting abortion doesn’t put an end to it... but global data indicate that they could become less safe... When carried out safely, an abortion poses less risk to a person’s health than does carrying a baby to term. As a result of reduced access, the number of pregnancy-associated deaths is expected to rise." (//The Effects of Overturning Roe v. Wade in Seven Simple Charts,// 2022) Stories like this are the harsh reality for many women across the United States who are unable to get the abortions they need since the overturning of Roe v. Wade. This particular story may be a work of fiction, but that does not make its implications any less real. [[Play Again]] for a different ending.

"I was irresponsible," you admit, swallowing down the truth of what happened. You weren't ready to speak about what really happened, and you couldn't drop another bomb on your parents when it was clear they were already struggling to process this one. "Irresponsible?" you father booms, his eyes alight like you've never seen them before. He takes a step forward but is stopped by your mom. "How... how long have you known?" she asks, her voice shaking and you can tell she's about to cry. "I found out just an hour or two ago," you admit. "I took a test." Your mother turns to face her husband, shaking her head. "Maybe it's a false positive. I should take her to a clinic to get tested." He nods in agreement, causing her to spring into action. She grabs her phone and walks away to another room to make a call. "Mom's in mission mode," you laugh weakly, trying to reference the inside joke between you and your father. He doesn't laugh, instead just looking at you with enough sadness and disappointment to make your heart break. [["I'm sorry, dad."]]

He simply shakes his head and walks away, following your mom to the other room. A few minutes later, they come back. Your mom grabs her car keys and motions to you to follow her. The car ride to the clinic is long, silent, and tension-filled. When you arrive, the parking lot is empty, and it's clear your mother called in a favor to get you checked out so late. As you walk in, you're greeted by a kind-looking lady who leads you to one of the examination rooms. There, you are told to change into a patient's gown and take a seat on the big chair in the middle of the room. You do as you're told and place your feet on the footrests on either side of the chair, feeling [[uncomfortably exposed]].

You sigh, looking down and knowing that the truth is unavoidable. "I... I was r*ped," you whisper. If it was even possible for the air to get any more tense, it did. You hear a shatter and realize that your mom dropped the mug she had been holding. "W-what?" Her voice breaks as she runs to you, not caring as she steps on the broken ceramic. She cups your face desperately, looking at you as if she would take away all your pain if she could. It's enough to break you, and you burst into tears, leaning into her as she holds you as tightly as possible. From the corner of your eye, you see your usually-stoic father leaning over the granite countertop, shaking. "What do I do?" you ask, gasping between sobs. "What can I do?" Your mom just holds you tighter. [[ Trimester 1]]

Trigger Warning: scenes of sexual assault. [[Skip this Scene]] You feel your breathing get heavier. Hands. Rough hands on your skin. //His// hands. It started with a harmless glance in the hallway on the way to the cafeteria for lunch. He was walking the other way with his friends, and you made eye contact. Those dark brown eyes - like melted chocolate. You remember just how [[cold]] they could really look.

--> [[be over]]

You open your eyes to feel hot, salty tears falling down your cheeks. You realize that you still have to explain yourself to your parents. [[I was irresponsible.]] [[Tell the truth.]]

The first trimester is the easiest to hide the bump. You start wearing hoodies and crewnecks almost every day of the week. The morning sickness gets much worse for weeks after your decision to continue with the pregnancy. Some days, you spend nearly the entire school day in a singular bathroom stall, resulting in multiple phone calls home and labels as a "troubled child." You're always hungry, but the thought of the food at home makes you nauseous for no fault of your own. Instead, you gorge on the only foods your body can handle - cheez-its and fresh fruits. Your parents have suggested you go to therapy, but you refuse and have gotten into multiple arguments with them on the subject. There's a growing rift between you three, and you're not sure how to fix it. [[Second Trimester]]

Your parents can barely stand to be in the same room together anymore because of how much they argue over how to help you. You've started showing very obviously now, so you can only wear oversized clothing. The weather is growing warmer, and your friends make fun of you for how sweaty you get during the day. You often skip gym class, and you've gotten written up multiple times. The principal warns you that if you don't shape up, you're looking at suspension. You often get stomach cramps, but you brush them off. You haven't been to a clinic to address your pregnancy yet, so you haven't gotten any care for it. You don't know any better so you're scared that, since you're a minor, the doctors would be forced to tell your parents about your condition. Your grades have been falling and, with senior year coming up, your guidance counselors have been warning you that you're giving up your chance at getting into the competitive pre-law schools you've been aiming for since freshman year. Your mental health crumbles as depression takes a strong hold on you. [[Third Trimester]]

Your baby bump is huge by now, and you avoid school like the plague. You barely see your parents too, coming home extremely late if at-all and ignoring their calls and texts other than to let them know that you're alive. They've accepted it as a phase and have been trying to give you space in the hopes that you'll come back to them. You only make it a few weeks into your third trimester when your contractions start. At only 28 weeks, you know it's far too early for you to be in labor, but there's nothing you can do. You're in your bedroom when you you first feel them. You try to ignore them until you no longer can. [[Call for Your Parents]] [[Call an Ambulance]]

"Mom! Dad!" you yell. You hear two sets of footsteps rushing upstairs, and your parents freeze when they see you. "What the hell??" your mom cries out, taking in the size of your belly and the way you lay, doubled over in pain. "What the HELL??" You're not sure what happens next as your vision goes black from the pain, but you feel your dad pick you up in his arms. You come back into consciousness at the hospital, surrounded by frantic nurses and doctors rushing you to the OB-GYN floor. [[Have Your Baby]]

Gathering all your strength, you grab your phone and type the numbers 9-1-1 into the keypad. It rings for a moment before an operator picks up. //9-1-1. What's your emergency?// "Ambulance," you call into your phone, whispering out your address with every last ounce of willpower you have. What feels like hours later, you hear sirens in the background. Minutes later, paramedics rush upstairs followed by your frantic parents. They drive you to the hospital as you weave in and out of consciouness. [[Have Your Baby]]

"C'mon, honey. Hang in there!" one of the nurses calls to you as you try to stay awake. The contractions have gotten unbearable, and you hear another nurse beside you tell the doctor that it's too late for epidural. You groan in disapproval as they spread your legs apart on the hospital bed. "PUSH!" someone yells, gripping your hand. You see your parents looking on in the corner, your mother crying into your dad's shoulder. You let out a painful scream as you attempt to follow their directions. Something warm and liquid flows from your under-areas and coats your inner things. "Shit, she's bleeding," the attending realizes. They begin patting the area dry with pads as you feel yourself losing consciousness again. "She's too weak. We have to do a C-section." You're transferred onto a gurney and rushed into an operation room. The last thing you see is bright lights before you lose consciousness. [[Ending]]

The date is August 9th, 2023. A man and a woman sit in the waiting room, crying into each other's arms after having to witness their 16 year old daughter being wheeled off into the OR for an emergency C-section. Their 16 year old daughter who, yesterday, they didn't even know was pregnant. They look up as they hear footsteps approach them. The doctor. The couple stands up, holding each other's hands. The woman's breath catches as she sees the man in front of her covered in blood - her daughter's blood. Something sinks inside of her - an emptiness that she can't quite place. Then, she sees the doctor's face and everything clicks into place. She falls to her knees, unable to stop the uncontrollable sobs that escape her. The man refuses to believe it. His daughter - his world. He stares at the doctor, waiting for him to say the words. Even the doctor's heart breaks as he delivers the news. "We-" his voice cracks, but he continues. "We did everything we could, but her body... her young body simply couldn't handle the stress of being in labor, and the baby was barely 30 weeks old. W-We couldn't save them." [["I'm so sorry for your loss."]]

"Being pregnant as a teenager puts you at higher risk for having a baby born too early, with a low birth weight and, tragically, higher risk of death. If a pregnancy is unplanned, the mother may not be getting the prenatal care she and her baby need or may not even be healthy enough to carry a child to term." (Nationwide Children's Hospital 2016) "Adolescent mothers (aged 10–19 years) face higher risks of eclampsia, puerperal endometritis and systemic infections than women aged 20–24 years, and babies of adolescent mothers face higher risks of low birth weight, preterm birth and severe neonatal condition." (World Health Organization 2023) Stories like this are the harsh reality for many women across the United States who are unable to get the abortions they need since the overturning of Roe v. Wade. This particular story may be a work of fiction, but that does not make its implications any less real. [[Play Again]] for a different ending.

The lady knocks on the door before entering and walks you through the exam procedure. The urine sample you had given them upon entering was being processed, and she would be poking and prodding to check the health of your uterus and under-areas. You weren't exactly comfortable with this, but you don't protest so as not to anger your mom any further. Once the examination finishes and the nurse concludes that everything is fine, she leaves the room to get the results of the pregnancy test. Just minutes later, she walks back in with a grim expression on her face, confirming what you already knew. You watched as your mother, visibly distressed, let her head fall into her hands. The drive back home is just as tension-filled. [[Trimester 1]]

The awkwardness between you and your parents has not dissipated in the slightest. Your father barely speaks to you other than to check up on your health and take you to scheduled doctor's appointments. Your mom has accepted the situation a bit more and has helped you immensley with your morning sickness and pregnancy cravings. She initially tried to ask more about the baby's father and how this all happened, but you shut her down every time and she eventually let you be. You doctors have warned you that this will not be a pregnancy free of complications, and your family has already accumulated hundreds - if not thousands - in medical bills just in the last 3 months. [[Trimester 2]]

As the second trimester comes around, your bump begins to show more visibly. Your parents don't let you skip school, so you wear oversized hoodies and crewnecks every day. You know kids talk behind your back and make fun of you, but there's nothing you can do about it. You see //him// everyday on your way out of math class, and it makes your blood boil that you're the one who has to suffer and he gets out a free man. But again, there's nothing you can do. You hate that all your choice has been taken from you. Your choice to have sex, to get pregnant on your own terms, to keep the baby. None of it was yours, and there's nothing you can do about it. [[Trimester 3]]

Trimester 3 barely begins when your contractions first start. It happens when you're sitting in your room by yourself even though the rest of the kids your age are out playing or on vacation for the summer. The first few aren't as painful, but you can't ignore them any longer when you double over in pain at the intensity. "Mom! Dad!" you call out for your parents, who come rushing upstairs. When they first see your state, they look taken aback. "It's too early," your mom whispers, to which your father simply agrees. He springs into action, lifting you up and placing you in the car. Your mom follows with a tote bag full of hurriedly-packed supplies, and you take off in the direction of the hospital. By the time you arrive, the pain is [[blinding]].

You find yourself weaving in and out of consciousness as you're placed on a gurney and taken to the OR. The doctors immediately decide on an emergency C-section, seeing just how weak your body is. Before you realize what's happening, you feel everything go numb and your eyes roll to the back of your head. "She's seizing!" someone calls out, and you're surrounding by nurses and doctors. Your parents stand in the corner of the room, crying in each other's arms. [[Have the Baby]]

The next time you wake up, it's to the steady beep of the heart rate monitor beside you. Your parents are seated on the chairs at your bedside, your father stroking his wife's hair as she sleeps with her head resting on your bed. "Guys?" you speak, your voice hoarse and groggy. You try to move your arm, only to find that it's held in place by a band meant to prevent the needle connecting your arm to its IV bag from moving. Your parents immediately get up and rush to you. "How are you feeling?" they ask, the concern clear on their faces. You nod before a realization dawns on you. "The baby?" you ask, dreading the answer. Your mother squeezes your hand softly. "He's okay, for now. They've taken him to a special area where he'll receive better care." She looks at your father and he nods, telling her to continue. "He's severely underweight and his respiratory system is badly infected. It's hard to tell if... if he'll make it." Her words hit you hard. Even though you didn't want this child, you carried him in your belly for more than 7 months, and the thought of him dying was too much to bear. [[Continue]]

"You do need to make a choice, though," the doctor vocalizes as he enters the room. "Will you be keeping the child or giving it up?" "That's crazy, of course she's keeping him!" your mother exclaims. The doctor looks at you for confirmation. You think back to your dreams of going to college, becoming a lawyer, and fighting for what you believe in. You think about how your entire experience has only proven to you that the American legal system needs people to fight for the rights of its citizens. [[I'm keeping him.]] [[I can't raise him.]]

"I'm keeping him," you agree with your mother. You can't bear the thought of placing your newborn son in the foster system, hopping around from family to family. Even though you can fully understand the decision to do so made by many new mothers, it isn't for you. The doctor gives you a rueful smile and nods, respecting your decision. [[ Ending]]

"I-I can't raise him," you shake your head, your voice breaking. As much as you hate the idea of sending your newborn baby into the foster system to rotate between families you don't even know, you know that you will not be able to care for him as a child yourself. As much as your parents try to help you, you know having to raise a baby would mean giving up on the bustling career and life of independence you always wanted. The doctor nods and brings the necessary paperwork to start the process. [[Ending ]]

After much pleading, you convince your parents not to bring your assault case to court. You would rather just drop it and move on. Your parents help you enroll in therapy to talk about what you went through with a professional. It'll take some time, but you hope that one day you'll be able to cope with what happened in a healthier way. Meanwhile, your mother has helped you immensely with your pregnancy cravings and morning sickness. You are grateful to your parents for being so understanding and supportive. [[Trimester 2]]

A few months have passed with your baby. He still suffers from many complications and has been on a ventilator since birth due to his increased risk of respiratory problems. He suffers from lung infections and bronchitis regularly, so the stack of hospital bills has racked up. Your father works so much in order to support the family that he barely comes home. Even your mother has taken up an extra job to help out. Against your parents' wishes, you dropped out of school and began waitressing at the nearby Denny's, where you sometimes see your old classmates hanging out on the weekends without a care in the world. You try not to think about it when you can. In the next few months, your parents are thinking of downsizing - selling your childhood home to rent an apartment closer to the hospital. You hope things will begin to get better with time. [[The End]]

"Being pregnant as a teenager puts [the mother] at higher risk for having a baby born too early, with a low birth weight and, tragically, higher risk of death... Teens who are pregnant or raising a baby have a hard time finishing school. Only 3% of teens who have a baby receive their college diploma before the age of 30..." (Nationwide Children's Hospital 2016) "Adolescent mothers (aged 10–19 years) face higher risks of eclampsia, puerperal endometritis and systemic infections than women aged 20–24 years, and babies of adolescent mothers face higher risks of low birth weight, preterm birth and severe neonatal condition." (World Health Organization 2023) Stories like this are the harsh reality for many women across the United States who are unable to get the abortions they need since the overturning of Roe v. Wade. This particular story may be a work of fiction, but that does not make its implications any less real. [[Play Again]] for a different ending.

A few months have passed since you've had your baby. You still suffer from post-partum eclampsia, and you've had some mobility problems since your seizures from labor. You're not sure what became of your child, but it is likely that he did not survive due to the plethora of health complication he experiences as a pre-term baby of an adolescent pregnancy. It's taken a while for you to re-adjust to life as a "normal highschooler" and to repair your relationship with your parents, but you hope things will get better with time. [[The End]]